Coney Island Mermaids make a Splash

The most flesh-revealing, but least sexy event I know is the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island.

Despite rampant bare chests, tiny crab-claw nipple coverings, and butt cheeks hanging in the wind, the annual summer event feels like kids being naked in the backyard wading pool.

The sea-themed costumes are clever, yet feel homemade. Families and singles are having fun together and so are the dads driving their antique cars.

The Mermaid Parade is an amateur photographer's dream come true. Everyone is willing to vamp for a camera. By now, photos of yesterday's event should be all over the Internet.

Corporate America has not discovered this homegrown event yet and let's hope they don't.

Elwood: No Hair of the Dog Here

Poor little Elwood here has been crowned the "World's Ugliest Dog". He is nowhere near as ugly as Sam, winner from 2006 whose picture is so ugly, I couldn't bring myself to post it.

Elwood is a Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix. Most of the contestants in the annual contest are Chinese Crested and therefore, are inherently ugly. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. But the Chinese Crested is the dog for people who don't want a dog.

G. says the CC looks like a combination of a Shetland Pony and a rat. The most obvious feature of the Crested is its hairlessness and if you can't stand dog hair, it might be the breed for you. One of my more uptight acquaintances took the What Dog Breed is Right for You? test and not surprisingly landed on the Chinese Crested. I'm sure she never got one. After all, she didn't really want a dog.

Brits Go to Work on Pop Tarts Instead

This "Go to Work on An Egg" ad was popular in Britain fifty years ago. Not as catchy as "Got Milk?", but this campaign made its way into the psyche of Britons anyway.

A revival of the campaign was planned, intended to stir up the sentimentality of the populace. But the watchdog agency that must approve all national ads banned the campaign, said it doesn't promote a varied diet. See today's London Times article.

The British diet isn't known for its healthiness; fish and chips could possibly be the worst-for-you meal on earth. However, banning a breakfast egg promotion is like banning Volkswagens and ignoring the Hummers.

Besides how can you be down on simple eggs, they're g-g-g-r-r-reat!

Bloomberg for President

Today's London Times suggests that New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is considering an independent run for president on an anti-gun platform. The article suggests he could win if enough Democrats are unable to swallow Hillary and if enough Republications abort Rudy.

Is there really hope for an anti-gun candidate to beat the unbeatable and embarrassingly American gun lobby? For this reason alone, I can get behind Bloomberg for president. Bang, bang.

Your Bad Dream House

You've got a decent job and decent credit and you're looking for a one-bedroom apartment. You have a dog, need at least 750 square feet and you're willing to stretch to $500,000. You want to live in Manhattan, but would prefer to skip Harlem.

You go to the real estate leader, corcoran.com. How many places do you think you will be able to pick from? Just one.

Why are you scraping the bottom of the market, anyway? Spend $750,000 and you can live in a place only one half the size of your parents house, the one they bought for $60,000 in the Seventies.

You're "scraping" because if you secure a 6.5 per cent interest rate on a 30-year-fixed, put down 20 per cent (that's $100,000!) and find a low maintenance payment of $700 a month, you will cough up $3228 per month for that half a million dollar apartment.

Now let's talk about those poor souls with low-paying jobs and less than stellar credit. On the other hand, let's don't.

New Yorkers, Alone in the Bubble

According to an ABC News report, foreclosures hit record numbers in May, up 90 per cent over last May. The ABC report cites California, Colorado and Nevada as the states hardest hit.

The LA Times wasted no time jumping on the foreclosure bandwagon. Check out the LA Times feature that allows you to search from a pool of foreclosed properties.

Two years ago, real estate agents denied the housing bubble existed. One bubbly agent talked up interest-only loans when we said a particular property was out of our price range.

Only three months ago, after some predatory lenders already went bust, a Countrywide agent tried to push an interest-only loan on us, even after we said we wanted a 30-year fixed. The agent got angry and refused to quote us an interest rate.

But now, nationwide, the period of denial and mixed housing reports is over.

However, in New York City, we are still watching and waiting. There seems to be an endless pool of rich buyers willing to pay exorbitant prices for tiny, well-located spaces.

Tina & Diana: Separated at Birth?

With the publication of Tina Brown's book, The Diana Chronicles, the media is talking about how Princess Diana's rise and fall paralleled Tina's career.

As editor of Tatler, Tina emerges in the public's consciousness as Diana rises in popularity; Tina even gets married three weeks after Diana does in 1981. Tina reigns as editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker as Diana grows sophisticated and media-savvy.

And then in 1997, Diana dies in a Paris car crash. I won't Talk about any specific similarities, but what happened to Tina's career shortly after? What what about the more obvious parallel? Just how much did these blonde Brits look alike? A certain amount of the physical resemblance is genetic but the hairstyle they shared was no accident.

Barbies and You: A Smidgen of Truth

I heard that little American girls grow up to look like their first Barbie doll.

My first Barbie was an FOB (friend of Barbie) named Midge. She was made of the hard, putty-colored plastic Matel used before the twist and turn Barbie was born. Barbie abandoned Midge in short order and found better friends, ones who could twist and turn and look cool riding in Barbie's convertible.

What kind of name is Midge, anyway? At least I don't look anything like her.

Get Hip, Get Your Own Zip

Are you are hard-core shoe shopper? Do you spend so much time in the Saks Fifth Avenue shoe department that you should get your mail there? Now you can.

The US Post Office has granted Saks' shoe department its own zip code: 10022-SHOE. Its just the plus four part that's unique. But still, this unprecented step could be the start of designer zip codes. Can you guess who these special zip plus fours are reserved for?

• 20016-2HOT (planet Earth)


• 10022-4WAR (The White House)


• 90210-JAIL (Paris Hilton's house)


• 70012-2WET (New Orleans' 9th Ward)

Filled to Capacity

Yesterday, we passed a milestone.

3500 US troops killed in Iraq. To grasp the number of troops killed, I imagine that number of soldiers in a single room. For example, when thirty soldiers had been killed, I imagined them all sitting in a classroom in their uniforms. When fifty had been killed, I imagined a bus full of soldiers. Now, 3500 have been killed.

Picture them filling the Kodak Theater in Hollywood, pictured at the left. Seating capacity, 3500.

More Celebrity than Chef

Its not about the cooking anymore. While Nigella makes love to her plump, ripe fruits and revels in the musk of her exotic spices, Rachael Ray is the girl-you-never-wanted next door.

But at least those two eat. Giada, they skinny Italian one, looks like a prop. Watch her show and notice the tight shots on her pots and hands. How would you know if she is really cooking? She feels inauthentic, prim and passionless, and yes, it because she's too skinny.

Not Your 1980's Pepsi Challenge

What's wrong with testing Coke and Pepsi on animals? Are soda manufacturers resorting to chimp taste tests because humans overdosed on the Pepsi Challenge in the eighties?

There's a lot wrong with these tests as you can read in the May 30 New York Times. Scientists are cutting open the faces of chimpanzees to see how their nerve impulses respond to sweet tastes. They want find some medical benefit to their brown-colored sugar water to use in their marketing.

You don't have to resort to these tests to answer the questions: we love sweet tastes and, there are no medical benefits. Done.

In the article, one scientist is quoted, “it’s very easy to characterize scientific research like this in a bad light,” but goes on to say it's necessary to test on animals.

It is easy to characterize these test in a bad light, sir, because YOU ARE CUTTING OPEN THEIR FACES.

I'd Rather be Ginger than Mary Ann

A family of redheads, or "gingers" as we are called in the UK, fled their home because of taunting and bullying about their hair color, according to an article in The London Times. Maybe this family is just a bunch of jerks and would be taunted no matter what their hair color, I thought. But apparently, prejudice against gingers is rampant in the UK if the comments attached to the online article can be taken at freckle-face value.

The degree of abuse is shocking to an american ginger. I got a couple of "carrot-top" and the less imaginative "period head" comments when I was a kid. And of course, people are still asking if the collars match the cuffs. But after an initial phase of not wanting to be different, I realized that red is an enviable asset.

Let them taunt, they're just jealous.