The Amazing Race: Moscow

This leg is all about shoes.

Dan and Andrew start as the last of four teams, shuffling to the clue box in hotel slippers that a sympathetic maid gave them. Not sure why they couldn't retrieve their shoes after checking in the last Pit Stop.

Lucky for them, all team are bunched on the same flight to Moscow and they find a 24-hour shoe store in the Kazakhstan airport. Dan and Andrew spend a lot of cash on new shoes but they have no choice.

Tonight's foreshadowing comment comes from Dan: "Spending a lot of money on shoes may come back to haunt us." Oh, it will, Frat Boys, it will.

Once in Moscow, teams travel by taxi to a monastery that has such a tongue-twisting name that the graphic just says "monastery." The closed-captioning called it "the place."

The taxi drivers in Moscow all are menacing and clueless in finding places. The episode is full of anxious moments in cabs. Starr cries.

After the monastery, teams taxi to Moscow's outskirts to a decommissioned military base called Kolosok Camp. Here the Detour choices are "Boots" or "Borscht." Note the reference to footwear.

Chronic Fatigues Syndrome

All teams must don military clothing and either learn a parade march with a training squad or serve Borscht to 75 Russian soldiers. Miraculously, the Frat Boys start the Detour in 2nd place.

Andrew is confident in marching, citing his six years in Marching Band. But he can't manage the foot wraps that go under the boots. The Sarge demonstrates over and over; it looks as easy as tying a scarf.

But the Frat Boys are stymied and backpedal to the Borscht task. After undressing and putting on the cook's hat and apron, they realize that they were supposed to stay in the military fatigues. Back to the foot wrapping and last place.

Now they decide to march. Dan marches like he has Muscular Dystrophy. It seems impossible to be that bad, but he is. The soldiers laugh at him. Dan and Andrew truly suck at everything. Dan's explanation makes no sense: the task "was very musically and art-based and I am not musically or art based. I am sports and tv-based."

They give up once again and serve the Borscht. At last, there is something they don't suck at. They even have fun and complete the task with smiles. Dan and Andrew's very presence this late in the race shows the role of serendipity. The fumble every task and misread most of the clues. They come in almost last every leg, but somehow they miss elimination.

Tonight's Roadblock requires one team member to unload fifty 55-lb bags of flour from a truck and deliver them to a bakery. I think Dallas is a cinch to be the best at this, and he and Toni will finally get the first-place finish they dream of.

Dallas is struggling with two bags at a time when Ken pulls up. I forget that Ken was an NFL player. Ken handles the hefty bags with ease, but Dallas's grit and head start allows him to finish first.

The bakery shopkeeper is a character, a stocky, stout woman who passes judgment on each flour lifter. When Nick shows up, she says "he's not fit!" Wait till she sees the Frat Boys. Nick is fit; he's just not brawny. He wisely carries one bag at a time. Dan does a good job carrying the flour too. What a surprise.

Dan, having regained his confidence, says "we've been the Tortoise this entire race."

The Tortoises have a hairy time outside the Pit Stop. They don't have enough cash to pay their disgusted cab driver. They offer the driver Dan's new shoes. Dan pleads, "Italian shoes, worth one hundred American!" The driver rejects the shoes with a shove of his foot. There is a stand off. I think the driver is waiting for a cop to pass by.

But Dan, that snake, is holding back a little cash. He finally holds his remaining cash in the air until the driver snatches it. Dan and Andrew check in last, but they have turned in their most interesting performance to date. And lucky boys, it is a non-elimination round. Toni and Dallas get their first place finish and Nick and Starr experience their first scary leg.

Justice, like a hearty bowl of Borscht, is served in this leg.