The Amazing Race 16: Chile

Another season and another slate of racers.
TAR seems to be going for the celebrity angle this season. One couple are Big Brother reality veterans and one racer is the Miss Teen South Carolina whose babbling onstage played for millions on YouTube. One dude, Joe, could be a Jon Gosselin double.
The racers must get to LAX on public transportation, a jaw dropping task. "Who takes the bus in LA? Public transportation to us is not using the valet parker," said Carol, the blonde lesbian. She will be the quotable one this season.
The teams disperse and start asking people on the street how to get to LAX. The black lawyers say, "oh black person, good," and rush up to a car for directions.
The gay brother knows Miss Teen South Carolina's public flub by heart and repeats it to the camera and again to another team within earshot of Caite. I start rooting for her.
The real dumb one is the chick from the Big Brother House, whose shining moment was explaining that she doesn't understand what people mean when they talk about time, using phrases like "quarter til".
TAR replays both girls' low moments during the show.
It is predetermined only three teams will get on the first flight. Four teams on the Metro think they're first and wonder which team will not make the plane. Four teams riding the same bus think the same, but they really are first. Like every season, all the racers are cocky until the first Roadblock.
As Brandy predicts and hopes, the first plane is delayed in Dallas, the transfer city. All teams fly to Santiago, Chile via Miami on the same plane.
The cowboy team get the wrong currency in LAX. They ask for "the Brazil money". They feel foolish when they get kicked off the local bus in Chile and must re-exchange their money.
In Santiago, teams take buses 60 miles to Valparaiso, the San Francisco of South America. A few stray dogs are caught on camera.
We hear the first of a million cries of "Rapido!". Big Brother girl covers her eyes in the taxi. The two detectives tell the cab driver, "drive it like you stole it, my brother!"

"Balance of a Cat, Courage of a Lion"

The first Roadblock requires balancing 120 feet above the ground and walking a cable the length of a football field.
On the wire, Miss SC proves herself. She is fearless on the cable wire. Big Brother girl moves across the wire handily too.
Brandy is quaking on the cable walk. She takes a long time to get across, but she will be the first of many who get in trouble on the wire.
A couple of people fall off the cable and hang by their belts. The safety specialist has to come to rescue contestant Adrian. He bravely starts again, even though it is already clear he and his wife will be eliminated. He falls again and my heart goes out to him.
After the cable walk, teams take 120-year-old "Funiculars" down the mountain. The Funiculars look like school buses with one side on stilts.
The guy mocking Caite admits he underestimated her. Except she and Brent will incur a 30-minute penalty for skipping the Funicular. Read your clues closely, everyone.

Painting Houses

The streets of Valparaiso are full of brightly painted homes. Each team must select four paint cans of a single color, grab a ladder and find the house with an exterior of that color and finish the paint job.
Father-daughter team Steve and Allie trespass inside someone's house and start painting away. The guys inside laugh at them and say in Spanish how bad they paint.
Dan and Jordan drop a brush and fear it will incur a penalty. They are correct; they get a 15 minute penalty. The guy who keeps saying "snap!" is getting annoying. He should get a 15-minute penalty just for that.
"We're looking for the Martha Stewart sea foam green circa 1997," Carol says, "Before jail."
The first Pit Stop is Palacio Baburizza, 90-year-old chalet. Jordan and Jeff, the Big Brother team, come in first. Jet and Cord, the cowboys, come from far behind--last actually--to finish third. They have shown they are "not just some hicks from Texas" (except in the area of currency).
The detectives who were going to win every leg came in ninth.

Season 16 The Amazing Race: On Your Mark . . .

Next Sunday marks the start of Season 16 of The Amazing Race. Will it be a love-fest or just another Valentine's Day?
Check out this season's racers now on cbs.com. How many cliches can you find in the cast of characters?
The producers have cast a team of lesbians, a team of cowboys, and a team of cops. Lesbians are the logical next step after last season's gay brothers. Any one hoping the cops will go rogue?
Several good candidates vie for the next Bickersons. My money is on the wife who said she will have a hard time not blaming her husband if they lose. However, the brother team who admit to infighting might get the nod. Last season's bickering brothers came in second, but I maintain that fighting is a team's biggest downfall (besides being completely unathletic).
This season brings a few recognizable names, but none who rank even as high as Kathy Griffin's D-list. Most notably, we have the unfortunate Miss Teen South Carolina who strung a bunch of words together in response to a question about finding America on a map. Hope she reads maps better than she explains them. Train wreck fans will be watching closely for her intellectual blunders. She, no doubt, is hoping for redemption.
The Miss Teen America contestant is the exaggerated version of last season's pretty blonde with the plastic swimming floaters on her arms. The couple that were former Big Brother Season 11 contestants is the latest iteration of Rob and Amber.
For baseball fans, we have a coach from the Cleveland Indians and his daughter.
Despite the cliches and the attempts to kick each season up a notch, I will be glued to the set next Sunday and every Sunday after, racing vicariously with teams and hitting the mat to face Phil.

The Amazing Race 14 Bangkok, Thailand

Possessions are the big issue in this episode. After the Roadblock, a couple of teams leave their bags in waiting taxicabs. This turns out to be pivotal.
Starting out, the five remaining teams board the same flight to Bangkok, Thailand. Once there, teams taxi to a boatyard on the outskirts of town and search the grounds for their clue.
Kisha and Jen's cab goes the opposite way from Margie and Luke's. Kisha assumes that Margie told one cab driver to tell the other driver wrong directions. Jen says, "as the race goes on, the teams become a little paranoid. It's fun to watch."
Margie and Luke are the first team to reach the clue box.
Cara continues to show the ugly side of her personality, but not as dramatically as in the last leg.
"The language barrier really aggravates and frustrates me and I become a lunatic and there is nothing I can do about it." The self-admitted Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde has a real personality disorder.

Roadblock

One team member must figure out how to attach an unwieldy rod to a propeller on a longtail boat.
Margie called the Roadblock "easy" and she finishes quickly to prove it. Jaime and Cara reach the Roadblock second. After attaching the rod with only a little more difficulty than Margie, they remember to return to the cab for their bags.
Default winners of the last leg, Victor/Tammy, arrive at the boatyard at the same time as Mike/Mark. Victor sweats over the task that Margie made look easy. Tammy yells encouragement in a monotone voice, "great job, Victor, great job." She must be very tired to phone it in like that.
After the propeller is attached, teams must navigate their boats through the Bangkok canals and search through the maze of routes on their map to find a certain peninsula and their next clue.
Riding in the boat, Tammy and Victor wave buoyantly to unresponsive orange-clad monks. Victor remarks how glad he is they brought their packs.
Kisha and Jen take off in their boat, leaving their fanny pack with their passports at the boatyard. They also leave their backpacks in their waiting cab. Initially, Kisha wants to go back to get their things and Jen tells her they didn't have to, not thinking of the fanny pack. The close-up on Kisha's face is heartbreaking. This might be it for them.
When Mike and Mark see that Jaime/Cara have their backpacks, they worry. But they don't decide to retrieve their bags until after they finish their boat ride. The decision is not unanimous. Mark is arguing with Mike about their bags while they jog down the street.
"Do we need our bags to do the task?" one shouts at his brother. They agree to pay 200 in Thai money for a cab to take them to the previous cab, They argue all they way; one says we just can't abandon our bags. The other one says we should do the task, then worry about the bags. M & M pay 400 to the first cab for a total payout of 600. I don't know how much money that is in dollars, but it feels expensive.

Detour: Broken Teeth or Broken Record

In Broken Teeth, teams make their way to an area that locals call "The Street of Happy Smiles." Once there, teams must search through fifty sets of dentures to fit five of the waiting patients. Kind of a disgusting challenge, but easy.
In Broken Record, teams make their way to a parking lot and choose one of the waiting party taxis with an on-board Karaoke system. While riding a five-mile course with a group of party girls, teams sing along to a Thai pop video until they reach their destination. The potential pitfall is the snarling Bangkok traffic.
Margie and Luke tackle the denture task. Singing would not be a good choice for hearing-impaired Luke. Fitting dentures looks a little gross, but at least Margie and Luke have gloves and masks. Margie says her nursing background made it not squeamish for her. The fitted patients all give the camera a beautiful, white smile.
Victor/Tammy, again have the most fun of all the teams, choose Karaoke. Their Chinese heritage makes it an obvious choice, says one. "Mommy would be proud," says Tammy.
Teams wonder if the party girls are transvestites. Seeing them in close-up, I think they are right.
Kisha/Jen make the opposite decision from Mike/Mark. They forge ahead without their things, assuming they can pick them up at the end of the leg. Without any money, Kisha and Jen ask for a free ride to the Pit Stop and they find a willing driver on the first try. Cab drivers seem to be pretty agreeable in Bangkok.
Mike and Mark must bargain for the balance of their cab ride to the Karaoke task. In the party van, they sing mightily and talk about the pretty girls. That the girls might be boys does not occur to them.
"Hopefully, someone stumbled worse then we did," said Mike. They barter their possessions twice with accommodating drivers for partial taxi fare.

Phya Thai Palace

Teams must race through the city to their Pit Stop, the Phya Thai Palace. Margie and Luke run a flawless race and end the leg with an easy first place. They win a trip to Puerto Rico.
Jaime/Cara end the leg as team number two. Kisha/Jen and Victor/Tammy foot race to the mat for third place. The athletic sisters beat them.
But Phil sends Kisha/Jen back for their things, saying he can't check them in without their travel documents. They should have figured as much.
Tammy and Victor encourage them Kisha and Jen to go back quickly. For the second week in a row, Victor and Tammy place higher than their actual finish because of another team's mistakes. Kisha is resigned to her potential fate.
Mike and Mark beat Kisha/Jen back to the mat. But Phil imposes four hour of penalties on the stuntmen. Since when are teams not allowed to barter their personal possessions? Four hours of penalties seems harsh.
Kisha and Jen return, not noticing the stuntmen sitting a few yards away. Jen cries on the mat when she is told they are fourth.
Phil waves the stuntmen in, only an hour into their penalty. He informs them that it is an non-elimination round. Phil looks pissed as Mark explains why they did what they did.
Doesn't seem fair that they have to add three hours of their remaining penalty to their departure time. It may be impossible for them to escape elimination next week.

The Amazing Race 14: Phuket,Thailand

With six teams left, the race heats up. Tonight's first clue instructs the teams to fly to Phuket, Thailand.
On the way to the airport, Mike says, "Do you speak any Thai, Dad?" Mel replies, "Yeah, Mai Tai."
Margie expresses how exhausted she is from constant signing to Luke. "Sometimes, I just want a break; just want to rest my arms . . . but I wouldn't change it for anything."
Jaime's nastiness and disdain goes from occasional to constant as the race wears on. She admits she doesn't like to hear foreign languages; the sound gets on her nerves. She talks down to and yells at non-English speakers, which is everyone they encounter.
Kisha gives money to the Indian children with their arms outstretched into their taxi window. From a race perspective, sister Jen is right; she shouldn't do that. But the poverty of the children compels Kisha to give.
All teams end up on the same flight, so it's anyone's game today.

Phuket Zoo Gorilla

With only a photo of a gorilla statue, teams are at the mercy of their cab drivers to know the statue is at the Phuket Zoo. Mel and Mike are the only team to have trouble landing a cab. Getting in a cab last doesn't turn out to be the problem, it's their driver, who decides the gorilla is at the beach.
Several teams get out of their cabs on the street and wave the gorilla photo around, hoping someone will recognize it.
"Just say big-ass gorilla," said Jen.
Once they have their answer, the cabs travel in a herd toward the zoo. Mel and Mike watch the other cabs turn off together in the opposite direction. They hope their cab driver is the only one with the right answer. This hope turns out to be fatal--rarely is the pack wrong.
At the beach, Mel and Mike dismiss the one local who suggests the gorilla might be at the zoo. Mel says, "let's stop for a Thai massage," once they realize they have probably lost. When a second local swears the gorilla is at the Phuket Zoo, Mel and Mike head there, still doubtful.

Esso the Tiger

Teams each have their picture taken with Esso the Tiger, the danger made apparent by the one-armed tiger handler. Speedy Mark and Mickey reach Esso first. Kisha and Jen say, "If the tiger didn't eat Mark and Mike, they won't eat us. Well, they are bite-size."
After the photo op, teams take part in a typical Thai elephant performance. Racers lie on the ground and an elephant steps gently on their butts. Then elephant squats over the player on the end. The elephant likes Kisha's butt best and presses it twice.
Teams return to the tiger area and find their next clue pasted on their souvenir photo. Jaime says she could live with the animals and without people. I think people could live without her too.

The Oldest Herb Shop in Phuket

Jaime and Cara start calling the stuntmen "The Tweedles", a cringe-worthy nickname.
The nickname cracks the girls up and Jaime and Cara compare the stuntmen to cartoon characters. How can they talk like that on camera and not be ashamed?
Racers must make their way to the Old Phuket Town and find Nguan Choon Tong Herb Shop, the oldest herb shop in Phuket. Teams must ask the shopkeeper to open one of 99 herb drawers in search of a clue. If they choose the wrong drawer, they must keep on guessing.
Jaime and Cara suffer some poetic justice in the Herb Shop. Who's the Tweedle now?
Jaime starts screaming at the shopkeeper. I hope for Mel and Mike's sake the guessing game slows the teams down.
After taking Jaime's abuse, the shopkeeper love latecomers, Mel and Mike, who don't express any frustration or impatience. The team has fun with the guessing game, as they have with most of the tasks they've tackled.

Detour: Hundred Barrels or Two Miles

Both options for the Detour are physical tonight. In Hundred Barrels, teams prepare a fishing boat for ten days at sea. They must fill 47 fish barrels with enough drinking water to last the trip. They must also move 53 of the empty barrels from the bottom deck to the roof.
In Two Miles, one team member must pull the other in a red-and-pink rickshaw to a park two miles away. I am surprised that teams are allowed to switch off drivers.
Kisha/Jen and Jaime/Cara both pick the 100 barrels, stupidly I think. But later, I think the tasks are equally difficult.
Stuntmen Mark and Mickey pick the rickshaw challenge. Mark (or Mickey) mimics stereotypical Chinese nonsense chatter as he pulls the rickshaw. What's with mocking Asians? Both Miley Cyrus and one of the Jonas Brothers got bad press spoofing Asians recently.
Mark does another atypical move, spitefully hiding the rickshaw tire pumps. They are the only team to make sure their tires are filled before they ride off. But I can't tell if low tire pressure hinders the other teams doing the challenge, Margie/Luke and Tammy/Victor.

Pit Stop: Wat Thep Nimit Temple

I am so happy that Mike and Mickey hit the mat first and am surprised they incur two 30 minute penalties--one for tampering with with the pumps and a second for hiring the taxi to lead them to the park.
I thought teams often enlisted locals to help them and paid them for their help. Teams did that in previous seasons, I'm sure. New rule?
Tammy/Victor abandon their rickshaw too soon and have to turn around and retrieve it. But they become the technical winners of the leg as Mark and Mickey wait out their penalty. Jaime and Cara pass the penalized team to finish second.
Fourth-place finisher, Margie faints at the mat from the heat, right after Phil calls her The Bionic Woman. Phil and the staff scramble to get her water and cool her down. She refuses an ambulance and I think about Natasha Richardson refusing medical help. If someone thinks you need an ambulance, take it.
Mel and Mike do some catch-up at the herb shop and at the fishing boat. Again, Mel assess the task and figures out a faster way to get it done. Kisha and Jen still finish the Hundred Barrels ahead of them.
When Kisha/Jen get dropped off at the wrong location, I think Mel and Mike have a chance to finish before the sisters. Poor Kisha and Jen. They know how close Mike and Mel are behind them. But they fix their mistake quickly and finish fifth. Mike and Mel are eliminated. I am sorry to see them go.

The Amazing Race 14: India

This leg of the race belonged to father-and-son team, Mel and Mike. Sixty-eight-year-old Mike pulled off a remarkable tortoise-and-hare game. Though they finished second in the leg, it was a second place worthy of a standing ovation.
First, teams fly 2000 miles to Jaipur, India, known as the Pink City. They drive to Dhula Village in the remote outskirts, to the Sacred Tree, Peepli Ka Pedh.
Victor and Tammy have tightened up their game, since their "meltdown in Romania." Victor is challenging himself to adjust the mindset he has learned as his "right role as eldest son in Asian family." Victor narrates his actions like a sportscaster and his chattiness has gone from irritating to endearing.
Cara comments on Jaime's "aggressivity." To Cara's credit, she questions whether "aggressivity" is a word. Still, minus points for the non-word escaping her mouth.
Stuntmen Mark and Mike observe, "We have three teams of girls that are all almost six feet tall and here we are; we stand on each other's shoulders and we are not six feet tall." Their height doesn't hold them back, but sometimes their sense of direction does. They recognize they should always choose the physical task.
Arriving in India, Mel and Mike hop in a cab. The instant they realize the driver doesn't know the destination, they try to switch cabs. But the driver has already run away for directions. Mel and Mike stick with him, only because their bags are locked in his trunk. This cabbie isn't about to lose a promising fare.
Christi and Jodi's cab needs to stop for gas. Considering they face a Speed Bump in this leg, they don't have any time to lose. In hindsight, the gas stop may have eliminated them from the game.
As the teams drive through India's slums, all racers are moved by the stark, open poverty they see through the windows of the cabs. The naked children and stray animals eating garbage bring several racers to tears.
Once teams reach the massive Peepli Ka Pedh tree, they must search for their clue. No clue box this time--the teams must realize that the bright red phone next to mystic men sitting under the tree holds their clue. Teams must dial one of the numbers on phone to hear a recorded message. The phoned-in clue is recorded in heavily-accented English. Jaime and Cara grab their cab driver to listen and translate.

Roadblock: Care for a Camel?

Teams now travel to Amber Fort, Gaura Parvati Parking and face this week's Roadblock.
Mel and Mike's taxi driver, determined to make up for his earlier digression, becomes an asset for the team, driving them quickly and making himself part of the race.
In this Roadblock, one team member must choose a herd of camels. The team member must load and carry enough food and water to satisfy each camel in their group. This involves making many trips with heavy buckets of water across a large field. Tammy/Victor arrive first.
Victor shouts as grain blows out of the basket on his shoulder: "Camel feed doesn't taste that good." But victory does.
I knew this Roadblock would be tough for 68-year-old Mel. His heavy breathing sounded painful and I worried he would collapse. In my mind, I urged him to take it slow and steady as he carried each bucket. His son on the sidelines, expressed regret that he didn't grab the task himself. He hated seeing his father suffer and struggle.
Everything turned around when Mel moved from the water buckets to transporting the food. Most teams missed the stack of wide straw baskets and pitchforks available to tote the food. Kisha stuffs her shirt with the camel feed; someone else is filling the water bucket with food.
Christi and Jodi finish the Roadblock last, but not by much. Now they face their Speed Bump. They must go to a temple and use colorful paint to decorate an elephant for an upcoming festival.

Detour: Movers or Shakers

In Movers, teams choose a cycle rickshaw loaded high with barrels and drive 1.5 miles through the streets. Once they reach their destination, they must search through the containers for a small metal elephant to exchange for the next clue.
Stuntmen Mark and Mel are the only team to choose this option. They have no trouble with the cycling, but nearly lose the race looking for the tiny elephant.
Needle-in-the-haystack searches have always been a losing proposition in the Amazing Race. Steer clear.
In Shakers, teams don traditional costumes and makeup, then join a Rajasthani dance troupe. They must dance in the crowded street and shake their hips for tips. Once they've earned 100 rupees, they must return to the bandleader and exchange the cash for the clue.
This is a fun one. Victor and Tammy have a good time as shakers and develop a big lead. Margie takes the lead over shy Luke with lipstick all over her teeth. Screenwriter Mike says, "There's such poverty, but then there's also such festivity. The people were so generous."
Despite the poverty, India is filled with amazing sights: monkeys just hanging around, colorful turbans, camels, painted elephants, a snake charmer.
Jaime and Cara have an easy time making tips, but they freak out when their cab driver isn't nearby when they finish. They think the driver took off with their bags. Jaime whips out her sharp tongue.
Jodi and Christi arrive last to the Detour, but dance and make their tips easily. Here is a blonde advantage. For a couple minutes, I think they may beat out the stuntmen.

Pit Stop: Jaigarh Fort

The pit stop is a 15th century fortress. Tammy/Victor log another easy victory. Mel and Mike are a proud Team Number 2. Later Mel says, "When [Mike] said, 'you really smoked 'em, Dad,' that was better than a million dollars."
Teams ran a foot race for the middle positions. Kisha and Jen landed third, Margie and Luke, fourth, Jaime and Cara, fifth. Mark/Mike pull in just ahead of Christi and Jodi, who despite a good effort, were eliminated.
Anyone else grossed out by guy playing flute through his nostrils?

The Amazing Race 14: Novosibirsk, Russia

Christie and Jodi, a team with a few lucky breaks under their belts, are the first racers to start. The flight attendants' rolling bags have turned into backpacks. Rolling luggage might be bumpy over the frozen Siberian tundra.
As his team begins, screenwriter Mike says, "Let the first become last, and the last become first." That biblical quote would be prescient.
As fat snowflakes drift down, Kisha and Jen have this exchange:

--I ain't trying to walk around Russia
--Why not? It's beautiful!
--Beautiful, my ass

Teams must ride the Trans Siberian Railroad for 400 miles to Novosibirsk, Russia, then race to the Punkt Tehnicheskogo, Osmotra for their next clue.
All teams will be on the 10:20 pm train. The early teams must wait around ten hours until departure. The overnight train, equipped with sleeper cars, make for an easy 24-hours for the racers. But as soon as the train pulls into Novosibirsk, all the teams dive into race mode and make a mad dash from the train.
One of the stuntmen runs out onto a heavily trafficked boulevard. "Being stuntmen, we do know how to get hit by cars," he says.

Amazing Race Alliances

Last week, I criticized teams that take offense at using the U-Turn. This week, my beef is the "assumed alliance".
Being nice does not create an alliance. Jaime/Cara and Luke/Margie have the only real alliance of the race.
The girls call out to Luke and Margie to follow their cab driver. Cara gets angry at her cab driver for smoking a cigarette instead of "racing". Cara has a habit of berating cab drivers, and assuming they don't understand English.
Margie and Luke lose Jaime/Cara, but they spot and follow Tammy/Victor. Tammy/Victor stop for directions and take off without sharing the directions or waiting for Margie/Luke. Margie is angry and says Victor showed his true colors.
No deal had been struck between the teams. Some teams think friendly words constitute an alliance. When teams purposely mislead or lie to each other, that is dirty pool. Unless teams state: "let's help each other get to this destination," all bets are off. Most alliances are fleeting in this game and I'm tired of teams' perceived sense of betrayal.

Detour: Russian Bride or Russian Snowplow

In Bride, teams choose a manual transmission car known as a Lada, go to an Soviet-era apartment complex and search for one of the waiting brides. Teams must drive the bride across town to her waiting groom. Once the photographer snaps a photo, the groom hands off the next clue.
Jovial Mike says he doesn't choose the easiest option, he chooses the detour that sounds more fun.
"I'd rather party with virgin brides than snowplows," he says.
Christi and Jodi stop for directions at a gas station. But it's useless trying to get directions from "wasted" guys with "disgusting teeth" that "reek of vodka". Christi/Jodi wisely disregard the buffoons' misdirections.
Christi and Jodi feel bad that their bride isn't getting married under the best conditions. They say, "If we really came to your wedding, we would have dressed better." A sweet sentiment. I wonder if the bride and groom are actors. Christi and Jodi take a freezing, unhappy bride to the wrong church.
"She thinks we're trying to kill her," says Jodi.

In Snowplow, teams also grab a Lada and drive downtown to a stadium. Each team member must take a turn at driving the jumbo snowplow through a zigzag training course. Jaime and Cara have some trouble communicating (again) with the snowplow drivers. But they, along with Mike/Mark and Tammy/Victor, finish the task with relative ease. Victor was digging the ride, almost as much as he loved the Leg 1 bungee jump. Tammy/Victor finish the Detour first.

Driving Stick

I wonder what percentage of Americans know how to drive a manual transmission these days. Less than half, I bet.
With seven teams driving, only a couple have mastered the art of the stick shift.
Tammy: "We don't tend to break the Asian stereotypes very often, sadly." Females are the only group I am aware of that stereotypically can't drive stick. Tammy, I don't break that stereotype either.
If you can't drive stick, just stay in first gear, who cares about the longevity of the car? That's Jen's motto. I like her more and more each episode.
Jen has the most trouble with the manual transmission. At one point she can't move the car forward and a bus is coming at her, but she pulls it out.

Roadblock: Running without Shame

Now teams drive to the largest bibliotekah (library) in Siberia. It also has the longest, most unpronounceable name.
Margie/Luke are first to the Roadblock. One team member must run a winter marathon in their underwear. The lucky racer must warm up for ten minutes, and run 1.4 miles to the Pit Stop, the town's ballet and opera theater.
Our mothers always told us to wear clean underwear and here we add another reason besides a potential car accident.
Tammy says, as she strips down, "I'll never be able to come to Russia again."
This task gets the attention of the locals. A police car turns blips his siren on for a second in appreciation of an NFL cheerleader running in her underwear. American police would have stopped her.
Jen said, "I had to actually change into underwear because I don't wear any." I knew there would be one person who went commando. After the minus 4 Celsius run, Jen said, "People were whistling at me and I didn't mind it one bit."
Jodi was wearing a thong and the editors had to blur her butt. Despite their best efforts and great attitude, Christi/Jodi face Phil, the last team to reach the mat.
But this round turns out to be the first non-elimination round. Relieved, Jodi says, "I was hoping I did not run through those street nekked for nothin'."

The Amazing Race 14 Siberia

Baby, it's cold outside. Siberia conjures up images of blizzards, exile and hard labor camps. Teams had to be disappointed to rip open that first envelope and read their destination--Siberia.
Teams must fly through Moscow to Krasnoyarsk, deep in the icy heart of Siberia. From the airport, teams must find the actual Hydroelectric Dam featured on the back of the ten-ruble note.
Stuntmen Mike and Mark learned a lesson last week and right away, try to book their flight from the taxi. Somehow, they dial Jaime and Cara instead of the airport. Don't ask me. Jaime and Cara can't resist the easy mark and play along with them, pretending to book their flight.
None of the flights to Moscow are direct, and teams transfer through four different cities. But all teams schedule the same flight to Krasnoyarsk that lands at 5:40 am. But flights notoriously don't co-operate. Only three teams make the transfer and five teams wait for a later flight.
The Hydroelectric Dam doesn't open until 8:30 am, so all three teams on the first flight cluster up, then run for the clue box. The little stuntmen, Michael and Mark, are the first team to grab their clue, but this will be their best position for the rest of the leg.
From here, teams must taxi to Church Saint Innokenty to face their Detour.

Detour: Stack

In Stack, teams travel to the riverbank and create a wall of firewood, using a traditional lattice pattern. Once the wood is stacked correctly, they get their next clue.
All three teams who made the Moscow connection, Mike/Mark, Kisha/Jen and Christie/Jodi, opt to stack.
They perform the grueling work accompanied by traditional Russian accordion music and lots of singing. The locals are having a blast, eating, drinking and making very, very merry. Lately, Amazing Race has been designing tasks to amuse the locals and frustrate the racers. Remember the Indian paint wars and the now-infamous Russian army marching? And the amused crowd at the pie-throwing tent?
Kisha and Jen liken their task to life-size Jenga.
"Mark and Michael get lost a lot," the girls giggle. When M & M's wall half-collapses ("Mark and Mike just got beat by girls," they taunt) the stuntmen head to the alternative task.

Detour: Construct

Teams walk to a workshed where they find materials to build a set of colorful wood shutters. They must assemble the shutters and take them to the house with a "Repairs Needed" sign outside. They must install the shutters before they get the next clue.
Michael and Mark seem baffled by the Construct task as well. They are losing their lead by wandering around, trying to find the house. The girls are right; they do get lost a lot.
Kisha and Jen finish building their wall quickly and head off in first place.
They come across a "Blind U-Turn" which Phil explains. This season, the perps who U-Turn a teams remains anonymous. The new rule changes the dynamic of the option. In previous seasons, teams treated the use of the U-Turn as foul play. Teams who used the device were vilified. No one accepted the U-Turn as an appropriate strategy. I like this new twist because I got tired of teams pouting and angry over U-Turns.
Kisha and Jen choose not to u-turn because they know the five teams who missed the flight are well behind them. Christi and Jodi pass up the opportunity as well. But Margie and Luke u-turn Amanda and Kris to help their redheaded cheerleader friends, Jaime and Cara. I don't blame them, Amanda and Kris are strong, they reason.
All five teams in the second cluster chose to stack wood. A lot of walls are tumbling down. Mel and Mike abandon their broken wall in favor of the Construct task. Tammy & Victor and the flight attendants keep at it. Tammy and Victor avoid any crumbles, and congratulate themselves, crediting "Asian engineering".
Switchers Mel/Mike and Amanda/Kris team up with the stuntmen to complete the shutters and find the house. The six of them are scratching their heads while they stand kitty-corner from the house. The throw up their hands in frustration. Old Man Mel spots the house and deservedly, he and his son finish the task first.
Teams taxi to local amusement park, Bobrovy Log Park, to find their next clue and this episode's Roadblock.

Roadblock: Bobsled

In the Roadblock, one team member must ride a bobsled up to 55 miles an hour and complete a three-mile course in under four minutes. That's not so hard by itself, but the racer must memorize seven letters posted along the way. The racer doesn't seem to have much control over his speed and all the teams come in at or just under the four minutes. Two teams had to repeat the ride because he or she only noticed six of the seven posted letters.
Once the racer has the letters in their head, he or she must unscramble the letters to spell the name of a Russian playwright.
I can see how one can get through high school, and maybe college, without encountering Anton Chekhov. If I had to spell it without letters in hand, I'm not sure I would have put in a second H in the spelling.
Apparently, no one but Victor studied Chekhov in school. Victor: "Who doesn't know who Chekhov is?"
Luke and everybody else, that's who. The racers unscramble the letters fairly easily and Luke finally does, after many frustrating tries. Cara gets it right on the first try. Chekhov must be buried in her subconscious somewhere.

Pit Stop

Teams go to the theater of musical comedy, Krasnoyarsk Theatre, for the finish of the leg. Christie and Jodi let out a scream when Phil tells them they are team number 1. Mike and Mark got a reprieve. They would have been eliminated if Amanda and Kris were not u-turned.
The other teams resent Amanda and Kris, because Kris does all the heavy lifting and Amanda stands back. Amanda and Kris seem fine with the division of labor between them so, so what? Amanda gives direction while Kris does all the wood stacking. But when their half-completed wall falls, Amanda and Kris switch tasks. Little do they know that they will have to go back and finish it later. Amanda and Kris are already in last place when they discover that they were u-turned.
I thought Amanda and Kris would make the final three and I am sorry to see them eliminated.

The Amazing Race 14: Bucharest, Romania

The drama of Tammy and Victor dominate the third leg of The Amazing Race 14.
Much of the episode covers flight jockeying from Munich to Bucharest, Romania. Victor and Tammy have an ninety-minute headstart over the rest of the teams. They book a 4:45 flight to Bucharest before they get on the train to Munich. They manage to get on an earlier flight as standby passengers. Easy victory, you'd think. But planes, train, and automobiles thwart even the strongest and most strategic teams.
Tammy and Victor's major jump ahead backfires when their early flight returns to Munich because of technical problems.
Three teams make the 4:45 flight, which turns out to be the best choice. Despite having reservations, Tammy and Victor miss the 4:45. They must get on 9:25 with the rest of the pack. The 9:25 teams are shocked and a little gleeful when they learn of Tammy and Victor's setback.
But this will not be the only setback for the hard-driving team.

Dangers of Amsterdam

I am happy for Brad and Victoria when they are the only team to take a 7:30 flight through Amsterdam. That should have put them in a solid, safe, 4th place to start the Roadblocks and Detours.
But always be wary of changing planes. Their flight is delayed and they don't make their connection in Amsterdam.
The couple must spend the night in Amsterdam and face almost certain elimination. We find out in a interview cutaway that Brad is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who has been sober for 25 years.
Are we going to see a first on The Amazing Race? A former addict give in to his demons because he has to spend the night in Amsterdam? No such thing happens.
I wish that we could see more of Brad and Victoria. They have not had much camera time so far. In the first two legs, Brad and Victoria remained solidly in the middle of the pack with no dramas.

Romanian Gymnastics

In Bucharest, teams taxi to the gymnastics hall where Nadia Comaneci, 1976 Olympic Gymnastics sweetheart, trained. Amanda/Kris, Mel/Michael, and Margie/Luke arrive at the gym far ahead of all other teams.
One team member must learn and demonstrate moves in three gymnastic disciplines: balance beam, parallel bars and floor exercises. Amanda whips through this challenge with ease, no surprise to me. I would have paid to see Linda, who was eliminated last week, on the balance beam.
Mike, who claims minor celebrity as the screenwriter and actor in the movie School of Rock, realizes this is no advantage on the race, but his dad is sure proud of it.
The 4:45 teams all do well in the gymnastic challenge.
When the 9:25 gang heads for the gymnasium, Tammy and Victor get lost looking for the gymnasium in the dark. Suddenly, they are second-to-last behind Brad and Victoria, who are stuck in Amsterdam. This will not be the biggest setback for Tammy and Victor.
Now teams must travel by train to Brasov, Transylvania. The next train isn't til morning, so this will be an equalizing point. This gives Brad and Victoria some catch-up time, but it doesn't even get tantalizing close. All teams are on the same train, except unfortunate Brad and Victoria, who presumably are in some Amsterdam cafe.

Gypsy Moves or Vampire Remains

At Biserica Neagra, also know as the Black Church, teams face their Detour: Gypsy Moves or Vampire Remains.
In Gypsy Moves, teams go to a gypsy settlement and load all of a family's belongings onto a horse-drawn cart. Teams must drive the cart to next encampment and help the family unload. A physical, but straightforward challenge. The gypsy camps seem fun and there's loads of great music.
Mel and Michael are a little overwhelmed loading the Gypsy belongings. But who expected a car frame? Every gypsy family owns a car frame, it seems. But the Gypsies chip in and that doesn't seem to break any race rules.
In Vampire Remains, teams go into the woods, drag a coffin to a clearing, unlock and untangle a series of chains. The coffin contains antique frames which teams must impale on a stake until they find a hidden flag. Practice for vampire slaying?

Victor's Mountain

Til now, Victor's control of all team decisions has been inconsequential, except in annoying Tammy, who routinely brushes the slights aside. But in the vampire challenge, Victor makes a Linda-sized mistake and follows the wrong markers, taking his team up an entire mountain.
Tammy recognizes the error right away, but Victor won't listen to her. His confidence makes him blind. When he is forced to face his error, Victor wants to die. What a drama king! This will be a pivotal moment in his life. Will there be any fallout next leg?
I predict Amanda and Kris will be in the final three because they are strong and they get along. Kris and Amanda are the first to open the clue directing them to the pit stop, a mountain cottage, Villa Panoramic. It looks like an easy first place for them, but Kris loses their fanny pack with the money and passports. Kris immediately thinks someone stole it. They are Gypsies after all and how does the song go? Gypsies, tramps and thieves, right?
But the honorable Gypsies have found the fanny pack and return it to Kris. This delay allows Mel and Michael to pass them and take first place. I fear Mel will have a heart attack when he hears the news of their victory.
As expected, Brad and Victoria are eliminated.

The Amazing Race 14: Munich, Germany

I don't know why I am rooting so hard for Linda and Steve to stay in the race tonight. They are the weakest team in the race, perhaps the weakest team in several seasons.
At the first pit stop, Steve tearfully regrets treating Linda badly during the first leg. Contemplating their next stop, Munich, Linda says "Germany has beer, so I hope there is a beer challenge."
Again, I wonder why the producers selected this team with no discernible strength. Somewhere in mid-episode, I start hoping Steve and Linda will hang on for a few more rounds.
Leg Two begins with eight of ten teams getting on the first flight, a Swiss Air flight to Munich. Most teams are smart enough to borrow the cab driver's cellphone to make their flight reservations.
Mark and Michael, the stuntmen, say they can relax because they came in third. Dangerous words. But relaxing in the taxi, they neglect to make advance flight reservations and it costs them.
The two little stuntmen wind up with flight attendants, Christie and Jodi, on the second flight and at the bottom of the pack. As they wait in the airport, Mark and Michael acknowledge their error. I predict they will tighten up their game.

Munich, Germany

In Munich, teams drive to Ruhpoldong and ride a cable car to top of a mountain for their clue. Here teams face a Roadblock. One team member must paraglide off the mountain, hanging onto an instructor for a 6,000-foot ride down. If wind conditions are not safe to fly down, the racer can choose to hike 60-minutes hike the mountain.
Mel, the 68-year-old gay father, injured a groin muscle on last week's cheese wheel challenge. Despite the injury, Mel is excited to opt in for the paragliding.
"I'm old, but I have to do some of the fun challenges," he says.
"Who is ready to fly like an easel?" misreads Brad. But no one is flying like an easel now--the wind is blowing and the instructors make the racers wait.
One-by-one, teams elect to walk down the 6,000 foot mountain. Because of his injury, Mel is forced to wait rather than walk down.
Mel tries to get at least one team to wait with him by implying that walking down is chickening out. But no one falls for his bluff and soon, he is the only one left waiting for the wind to change. Mel says it's not right to pray for divine intervention, but starts praying for divine intervention anyway. The wind changes and Mel and Mike are in 5th instead of being eliminated. And Mel is the only racer who gets to paraglide.
It amuses me when Amazing Racers invoke God for help to win a million dollars. But sometimes it appears to work.
I knew Linda would be the last one down the mountain, but I didn't predict she would miss the directional sign. I wonder again why the producers selected this team. Her tears win me over.

Detour: Balancing Dolly or Austrian Folly

Teams drive 25 miles to Schoeau Am Konigssee.
On this Detour, team either ride a Segue on a two-mile obstacle course or go into party tent and throw pies made of traditional Austrian schlag, which is a whipped cream. Teams don't know their target will be their partner's face. They must keep throwing pies at each other until they hit cherry filling. Here's where you find out who has a sense of humor.
Kris: "This pie is actually delicious." Amanda eats off his shoulder.
Luke is having none of the pies. He gets angry and it takes him and his Mom a long time to find the cherry pie.
Tammy and Victor, sibling lawyers, slide into the Pit Stop and score an easy first place. The
pit stop is in Salzberg, Austria, at Schloss Hellbrunn or Castle Hellbrunn if you're translating the German.
Despite the easy win, I predict trouble ahead for Tammy and Victor. Victor says "it's hard not to think of myself as the leader of the team." He already made several references to being in charge and concedes that he can't allow Tammy to make decisions.
Tammy isn't dumb; she's a lawyer. It's shocking to hear a 21st century man say he is the leader with no room for compromise or input from his teammate, even if his racing partner is his baby sister.
Predictably, Steve and Linda are eliminated.

The Amazing Race 14 Switzerland

Season 14 of The Amazing Race assembles eleven easy-to-pigeonhole duos.
This season's mandatory blondes are flight attendants who assume their advantage is in their blondeness. The other unattached female team is bottle redheads, former NFL cheerleaders. They prove they are ready for the physical challenges with a few cartwheels in the intro. Couple Preston and Jennifer reveal themselves to be this season's fighting couple with the first words out of their mouths.
The show's producers always include a surprise team or two. This season's unlikely pairs include mother and son, Margie and Luke. Luke is profoundly deaf and cannot read lips, so he is completely dependent on his mother's sign language. The other unlikely team is a pair of tiny stuntman. Mark and Michael work as stunt doubles for kid actors and look rock solid. They are my out-of-the gate favorites.
Sibling teams tend to be strong teams. This season's sibs are sister athletes, Lakisha and Jennifer, and Harvard-bred lawyers, brother Victor and sister Tammy.

Locarno, Switzerland

The eleven teams fly to either Zurich or Milan, then take a train to Locarno, Switzerland. A train trip after a flight is an unusual wrench--how do you calculate which route is fastest? I smell problems ahead when Jennifer (of the fighting duo) says, "I've never in my life been to a train station."
Trains figure signficantly in this leg of the race.
Blonde flight attendants switch to an express train with the help of a local woman. Other teams gape out the window as they watch the blondes get off the train. This turns out to be their last smart move of the leg.
Once in Locarno, teams head to the Church of San Antonio where a priest gives teams directions to their overnight campsite. Teams bunch up into three morning departure times, 15 minutes apart. The campsite is rough; mosquitoes are visible in the camera lens.
Sitting around the campfire, the two self-described hillbillies, Steve and Linda, are already fighting. "You're just slow and there ain't a damn thing we can do about it," Steve says. Linda cries. The hillbillies' selection to the show is a surprise. They are older; she is slow and overweight.
Typically, when a team has a major deficiency, like a physical handicap or age disadvantage, they also have a redeeming quality that gives them a fighting chance. Sometimes the advantage is just that they get along. Compatibility should not be underestimated in The Amazing Race.
Steve and Linda don't seem to have an upside. She moves like a turtle and sounds asthmatic.

Verzasca Dam

In the morning, with just a photo as guidance, teams race to Verzasca Dam, the site of the second highest bungee jump in the world.
The stuntmen are in their glory. The phrase "omigod" is said over and over by everyone, but the most fearful racer is Jodi, the blonde flight attendant. The camera catches many shots of her worried face; she does most of her flying in planes.
Despite their nervousness, the bungee jumpers all register gleeful expressions on the way down. Jodi's expression is more neutral, but no longer worried.
Teams must now take a taxi and then catch a train to Interlaken.
In the cab, Hillbilly Linda asks "can you go fast, but follow the speed limits?" This caution can lose them the race. Now I am doubly certain they will be the first team eliminated.
Here the racing order changes as the train that leaves earlier arrives much later and puts the flight attendants dead last.

Cheese, Glorious Cheese

In Kleine Rugen Weiss, teams must carry antique cheese racks uphill and transport 200 pounds of cheese downhill. Each cheese wheel weighs fifty pounds.
Runaway cheese wheels and crumbling racks are the name of this game. Swiss drummers pound irritating metal drums and laugh hysterically at the racers. The cheese challenge is just cruel.
Lawyer bro Victor tries to takes two wheels at once, but his transport breaks. Mel, one of the old guys, schooches on this butt with his cheese wheel, reminding me of a cat with an itchy ass.
Steve says "We didn't get here by being idiots." Steve surprises me and proves he is not an idiot. He and Linda were the next-to-last team to reach the cheese, but the most innovative in getting the cheese down the hill. I don't think anyone was successful in taking two wheels down at once, but Steve managed three at a time.
The hillbillies move from tenth to sixth.
In Stechelberg, teams must listen for a group of yodelers who will lead them to the pit stop. Finding the Yodelers is harder than it sounds. Their noise (and I mean noise) bounces off the mountains.
Two teams pass Steve and Linda as they have more trouble finding the yodelers than most teams. But they finish an admirable ninth. I still believe they will be the next team eliminated, but I'm glad my first impression was wrong.
This season's Bickersons are eliminated first, and I am glad. I find nothing entertaining in couples fighting. In their post-elimination statement, Jennifer says the race was destined to make or break their relationship. Based on the lovey-dovey post interview, the race may have improved their relationship for now. But if they lasted another leg or two, they would have been Splitsville for sure.
Margie and Luke, mother and deaf son, finish first. Phil poignantly signs to Luke. Luke says people think deaf people can't do anything, but he is racing to prove them wrong. His comment elicits a few sniffles from the crowd.

The Amazing Race Finale

Did anyone notice Toni and Dallas missing from the finish line? Were they detained in Russia because they lost their passports? I wanted to see the Starr and Dallas reunion after Starr won the million dollars.
From the beginning of the episode, it is obvious that Nick and Starr will take home the big prize. Ken and Tina are the only team that might give Nick and Starr a run for their money.
"For those who think we're going to be chicken feed for Nick and Starr and Ken and Tina, I think they are severely mistaken," said Dan, falsely emboldened by a couple of Cinderella finishes. But Dan and Andrew acknowledge all along they are competing against superior teams and are indulging in a mandatory pep talk for the camera.

Portland, Oregon
The three remaining teams fly 5,000 miles to Portland, Oregon, their final destination. Everyone gets on the same flight. "The Moscow miracle brought us here. This is the Stanley Cup, the World Series, the Super Bowl all rolled into one," says Dan as they board. Team Dandrew has provided some of the best quotes.
Ken comments that "Nick and Starr have a horseshoe stuck in their rear end."
In Portland, the racers taxi to Tilikum an outdoor retreat center, where they face a Detour: High and Dry or Low and Wet. In High and Dry, teams climb 30 feet up a tree, walk across a 40-foot log and leap through the air to grab 1/2 of the next clue. Dan and Andrew better stay away from this one.
No one chooses Low and Wet where they would have walked 850 feet on floating log bridges to their clue waiting across the water. I guess everyone got wet enough during the race.
Tina announces 30 feet in the air that she is scared of heights. Ken is annoyed at her hesitation. Dan and Andrew are still stuck in a cab. One good thing about traveling in America, Andrew is able to borrow the cab driver's cell phone and gets directions.
Next, teams travel by taxi to The Bridge of the Gods, and ride 2000 feet on a Zip Line to an island below. "Love you, you look like Peter Pan," Starr shouts to Nick as he zips down.

Where in the World . . . ?
The last task in each race always involves recall of the events of the entire trip. Teams must answer one question from each of the ten legs of the race. This is where college boys Dan and Andrew have a prayer, but ultimately, they don't reach this task in time to be competitive.
Nick/Starr and Ken/Tina choose a game board with ten game pieces, each representing a leg of the race. Working in numerical order, the teams remove the game piece revealing a symbol underneath looking for route info, detour, pit stop, or roadblock of that leg. Teammates race together into a field of 150 clue boxes and hunt for the picture corresponding to the symbol.
Tina likens the task to a game of Concentration. Concentration levels are not high at this point in the race, after so many miles.

At Last, The End
I am rooting for Ken and Tina now because Nick and Starr are so predictable and Dan and Andrew are so far-fetched. And I'm tired of Nick and Starr's fatigues.
The racers now head downtown to the Portland Building. They search for a green dinosaur across the street in The Standard Building. Ken and Tina's cab passes Nick and Starr. Both drivers are into playing the game. Nick and Starr's cab returns the favor.
Teams walk to the Alder Street cart pod and search among the international food carts for the one from Russia. Teams then must figure out where the "magic in the hole" is. The magic turns out to be Voodoo Doughnut, clearly a popular Portland landmark. Everyone on the street seems to know it.
"Thank God that guy likes doughnuts!" Starr exclaims.
As expected, the race to the finish is a two-team race. Ken and Tina pull up second, but Ken has the moment of the night, when he pulls their wedding rings out of his pocket and asks for reconciliation.

The Amazing Race: Moscow, Part 2

Episode 10 starts with four teams left. Clearly, Frat Boys Dan and Andrew are the weak link. They know their number is up tonight. Not only do they have to keep up with three superior teams, they must complete a Speed Bump, punishment for finishing last in a non-elimination round.
The Boys have written themselves off; Dan says they need "a miracle." The Boys get their miracle.
The teams stay in Moscow for this leg. They travel by taxi to a retired Russian nuclear submarine. The must search the bowels of the ship for the Sonar Room and find an actor who played in the 1990 movie, The Hunt for Red October. The white-haired actor apparently hasn't worked since, remaining mummified in his naval costume. Teams run pass some crew dismissing them as "not old enough."
Next, teams travel across town to an outdoor museum called Park Iskusstv, dubbed the "Graveyard of Fallen Monuments" by locals. Dan and Andrew get soaked by a passing truck speeding through a puddle. They feel like they deserve it.

Roadblock: Forgettable Faces
The teams face a Roadblock at the park. One team member must scour the park filled with Soviet-era statues and count the statues of Stalin and Lenin. If the racer can't recognize the man's face, he or she can match the Cyrillic spelling in the clue.
Nick doesn't know his Soviet leaders but in typical Nick-and-Starr style, he figures out a work-around. "Stalin has a bigger nose," Nick reasons.
To all you Millenials, Stalin looks like Ronald Reagan with a mustache. Everyone knows what Ronald Reagan looked like, right?
In tonight's foreshadowing moment, Toni tells Dallas, here, you take all our money and our passports. Uh-oh.
I wonder why Dallas did the Roadblock. It seems like Toni's turn, plus it's a non-physical task better suited to her generation. Nervous, Dallas mixes up Lenin for Stalin, plus he miscounts. As Dallas wanders through the park, he says "my mom probably hates me right now. She probably doesn't want me to be her son anymore." Poor Dallas, just wait. You're going to feel a whole lot worse in a few minutes.
The correct number of Lenins (six) and Stalins (two) gets you the answer that the lady in the antique bookstore wants, 62. With a correct answer, the shopkeeper hands the racer a book by Mikhail Bulkahov and the clue on page 62 says to rejoin their teammate outside the author's home.

Insufferability
Tina's improved attitude proves temporary and my viewing companion mutters "insufferable" throughout the episode.
At the bookstore, Tina aids Dallas and running off, she demands that he remember the favor. Tina approaches the waiting teammates and the first thing she says is "I helped Dallas." Big deal. She helped Dallas because they worked together to eliminate incorrect answers. All Tina did to help was to not backstab him. Insufferable.
Enroute to the author's apartment, Dallas drops his fanny pack with the team's money and passports in his cab. He realizes his mistake as the cab drives off. Tina doesn't have to worry that her assistance will come back to haunt her.
Here, the Frat Boys get a break. Despite going to the wrong park and having another throw-in-the-towel moment, Andrew finds a man who assists him to the park and helps him count the statues.
Once the teams are reunited outside Bulkahov's apartment, racers head to Sokol'niky Park to find a lady with a Shetland Pony.
Dallas has to deliver the news of the lost money and passports to Mom. Dan, the only other racer still waiting for his teammate, is gleeful that Andrew has all the money and he does not have to face an ethical decision. He has no money to lend them.
Toni and Dallas, flustered by their loss, resort to begging, something we haven't seen in The Amazing Race for a few seasons, since the producers stopped stripping losing teams of their possessions.
Toni and Dallas take the Metro to the park, normally a prudent economic decision, but the clue says to travel by taxi. The Lady with the Shetland Pony will not give them their clue.
Dan and Andrew are back in the race, but here, they hit their Speed Bump. The Boys must perform a Russian dance that meets the instructor's approval. The instructor lets inept Dan off easy and the Frat Boys remain in the race.

Detour: Ride the Rails
Skipping ahead to far-first place, Nick and Starr hit the Detour, "Ride the Rails" or "Ride the Lines." They wisely ride the rails, traveling underground on the Metro where Nick uses his New York-subway savvy to navigate. They travel with such ease, you'd think they read Russian.
They must find a snack shop and pick up a traditional pastry. They read their clue off the greasy wrapper.
Nick and Starr travel by train again to find a statue of the men who invented the Cyrillic alphabet. Nick calls it the "Acrylic" alphabet. Good Nick, just substitute words you know.
They find a babushka (the only Russian word I know) and give her the pastry.
The rest of the teams choose to Ride the Lines. Knowing Moscow traffic as they do, I wonder why they opt for street-level travel. Tina and Ken get on a bus rather than a trolley. "Look for the wires, Ken" She Who is Always Right says.
Nick and Starr check in first, as expected. Coming in second, running with his pants falling down, is Dan and his buddy, Andrew. I am happy for them, but sorry to see Toni and Dallas go. Phil doesn't wait for Toni and Dallas to make it to the mat to deliver the bad news: Nick and Starr, Dan and Andrew, and Ken and Tina will race for the $1,000,000 bounty next week.

The Amazing Race: Moscow

This leg is all about shoes.

Dan and Andrew start as the last of four teams, shuffling to the clue box in hotel slippers that a sympathetic maid gave them. Not sure why they couldn't retrieve their shoes after checking in the last Pit Stop.

Lucky for them, all team are bunched on the same flight to Moscow and they find a 24-hour shoe store in the Kazakhstan airport. Dan and Andrew spend a lot of cash on new shoes but they have no choice.

Tonight's foreshadowing comment comes from Dan: "Spending a lot of money on shoes may come back to haunt us." Oh, it will, Frat Boys, it will.

Once in Moscow, teams travel by taxi to a monastery that has such a tongue-twisting name that the graphic just says "monastery." The closed-captioning called it "the place."

The taxi drivers in Moscow all are menacing and clueless in finding places. The episode is full of anxious moments in cabs. Starr cries.

After the monastery, teams taxi to Moscow's outskirts to a decommissioned military base called Kolosok Camp. Here the Detour choices are "Boots" or "Borscht." Note the reference to footwear.

Chronic Fatigues Syndrome

All teams must don military clothing and either learn a parade march with a training squad or serve Borscht to 75 Russian soldiers. Miraculously, the Frat Boys start the Detour in 2nd place.

Andrew is confident in marching, citing his six years in Marching Band. But he can't manage the foot wraps that go under the boots. The Sarge demonstrates over and over; it looks as easy as tying a scarf.

But the Frat Boys are stymied and backpedal to the Borscht task. After undressing and putting on the cook's hat and apron, they realize that they were supposed to stay in the military fatigues. Back to the foot wrapping and last place.

Now they decide to march. Dan marches like he has Muscular Dystrophy. It seems impossible to be that bad, but he is. The soldiers laugh at him. Dan and Andrew truly suck at everything. Dan's explanation makes no sense: the task "was very musically and art-based and I am not musically or art based. I am sports and tv-based."

They give up once again and serve the Borscht. At last, there is something they don't suck at. They even have fun and complete the task with smiles. Dan and Andrew's very presence this late in the race shows the role of serendipity. The fumble every task and misread most of the clues. They come in almost last every leg, but somehow they miss elimination.

Tonight's Roadblock requires one team member to unload fifty 55-lb bags of flour from a truck and deliver them to a bakery. I think Dallas is a cinch to be the best at this, and he and Toni will finally get the first-place finish they dream of.

Dallas is struggling with two bags at a time when Ken pulls up. I forget that Ken was an NFL player. Ken handles the hefty bags with ease, but Dallas's grit and head start allows him to finish first.

The bakery shopkeeper is a character, a stocky, stout woman who passes judgment on each flour lifter. When Nick shows up, she says "he's not fit!" Wait till she sees the Frat Boys. Nick is fit; he's just not brawny. He wisely carries one bag at a time. Dan does a good job carrying the flour too. What a surprise.

Dan, having regained his confidence, says "we've been the Tortoise this entire race."

The Tortoises have a hairy time outside the Pit Stop. They don't have enough cash to pay their disgusted cab driver. They offer the driver Dan's new shoes. Dan pleads, "Italian shoes, worth one hundred American!" The driver rejects the shoes with a shove of his foot. There is a stand off. I think the driver is waiting for a cop to pass by.

But Dan, that snake, is holding back a little cash. He finally holds his remaining cash in the air until the driver snatches it. Dan and Andrew check in last, but they have turned in their most interesting performance to date. And lucky boys, it is a non-elimination round. Toni and Dallas get their first place finish and Nick and Starr experience their first scary leg.

Justice, like a hearty bowl of Borscht, is served in this leg.

The Amazing Race: Kazakhstan

Why is it that teams become likable just before they are eliminated?

In Kazakhstan, Terence and Sarah stop whining and become supportive of each other. Prior to this episode, I was certain they would break up at or before the end of the race. I thought they were just too different from each other to move to the next stage after Newly Dating.

I notice the change in Terence and Sarah right off, as they rip open their clue that begins the race. They must have gotten a good rest, I think.

Three teams get on the early flight to Almaty that changes planes in Frankfort. One team goes through Moscow and the last team, through Dubai. None of these routes are as the crow flies. From the map, it looks like Frankfort is thousands of miles out of the way.

Fortunately for Teams 4 and 5, Terence and Sarah and the Frat Boys, all teams bunch up at their destination, a local chicken factory. They all must wait for the factory to open at 7:30 am. The Frat Boys catch a big break here, since their flight arrived far behind the other two.

The gates to the chicken factory open, and all players dash together to the clue box. Nick tears a clue out of a Frat Boy's hand.

In this Roadblock, one team member must search among 30,000 chickens for one of seven golden eggs. Or they can choose the Fast Forward. Nick and Starr, and Terence and Sarah taxi to the Fast Forward toward the unknown task. Turns out, they have to eat a traditional Kazakhstani meal made out of sheep butt. Fast Forwards are not supposed to be easy.

Terence and Sarah foreshadow their fate with this exchange:

Sarah: "Baby, I don't think this is a good idea. Terence disagrees: "I do."

As a vegetarian for fifteen years, Terence should have scrambled out of that restaurant the moment the sheep butt is placed in front of him. His fatal mistake is giving it a try, the first time he has been sporting in the whole race. Life is not fair, Terence.

"Chew the minimum amount to swallow, " Nick advises Starr. This is not your mother's advice, nor the time to chew forty times. Starr bests Nick and finishes her meal first, though she gags a few times.

Nick and Starr fast forward to their fifth first-place finish and when Phil says, "you are team number one," Nick says, "you sound like a broken record, Phil." Foreshadowing bad luck next leg perhaps?

Back at the chicken factory, Dan shouts to his teammate: "Doesn't matter if you step on their feet!" Kinda does, Dan. There will be a job waiting for Dan in the poultry industry when he returns to the States.

Toni finds the first egg, Andrew, the second. Past history tells us Tina is slow in finding things. She is last, but no damage done.

Mongol Warriors

The teams jump into waiting giant orange crane trucks to take them to Koktube Arch at the foothills of the Tienshan Mountains. How is it that the Frat Boy's truck driver gets lost? Aren't these drivers are hired by the show? They are not random taxis. Again, not fair.

The most impressive visual moments of the show are when the teams reach the mongol warriors on horseback and receive their next clue from a huge eagle sweeping in with a clue in its talon.

The remaining teams, including a backtracking Terence and Sarah, choose the "Act Like a Fool" Detour option. All teams must don a two-man cow costume, one racer in front and one in back. Deciding who is in front and who takes the rear is a classic power struggle.

Tina's logic in taking the front: "I can see things better." In costume, the teams must walk the streets to a milk stand. Once they down a waiting glass of milk, they find their clue on the bottom of the glass. Tina and Ken drink the milk and can't figure out where to get their clue. They return their costume to the costume shop before they complete the task thinking the costume is no longer necessary. They must return for the costume. These mistakes don't turn out to be costly and they finish third behind Dallas and Toni.

Dallas is the best cow, mooing it up and having fun.

The Amazing Race: Delhi, India

First-place finishers Nick and Starr foreshadow upcoming deception against Toni and Dallas with Nick's opening comment. "The big thing Starr and I do," he says, "is little white lies to all the other teams. We have no shame in giving 'em what they need to hear."

The brother and sister team may win the race, but they will ruin Starr's chances with Dallas, who proves to be a man of integrity and substance. But I am getting ahead of the plot.

Paintball Party

In this colorful and eventful episode, six teams head to a park to "participate" in a traditional Holi Festival.

Revelers dance and throw powdered dyes and spray water over each other, like a Indian paintball game. One team member must run through the crowd, climb a ladder, and find the legitimate clue among hundreds of colorful clue envelopes attached to hanging wheel.

Though Starr performs this task, a random reveler smashes Nick in the face with pink powder. The reveler approaches him like an assassin firing a gunshot then disappearing in the crowd. Mob mentality takes over when Divorcee Kelli begins her run. The pelting turns vicious beyond the spirit of the game.

Worse, Kelli misunderstands the mission and thinks she must blindly pluck down an envelope and race over to her partner to open it. Other teams complete the task in minutes and poor Kelli, splattered with so much color she is brown from head to toe, can't figure out what she's doing wrong. Finally she realizes she can check the outside of the envelopes while on the ladder, rather than running the gauntlet over and over. One of the frat boys calls the session a "wild rape party" and he isn't far off.

The teams are refused service by several taxis because of their wretched conditions. Terence tries to irrigate his nose with a bottle of water and disgustingly spits and honks out the taxi window.

Go, Ken and Tina!

Coming in last works wonders on Ken and Tina. They approach the Holi paintball festival with a playful attitude. Tina, on the sidelines, gets doused with green dye. She looks like she is wearing a green wig for the rest of the leg and it looks good.

At the next stop, a bird hospital, Ken and Tina encounter the Speed Bump that they alone must do. I notice that Speed Bumps tend to be straightforward tasks and this one's no different. At a nearby temple, they must volunteer to serve holy water to temple patrons. Tina relishes this role and Ken gets into it as well, shouting "Get yer water!" Tina uses more decorum and learns the polite Indian word for get-yer-water.

Ken and Tina continue to redeem themselves throughout the episode. They take control, but not arrogantly. When their taxi gets stuck in bicycle traffic, they get out and direct traffic, clear up the jam and jump back into their cab.

Tonight's Detour requires the teams to emulate one of two common Indian professions. The clever names of the options are Bleary Eyed and Teary Eyed.

Bleary Eyed requires teams to follow criss-crossed power lines down a crowded street, keeping track of the numbered tags they pass. Teams must give their list to a man at a sewing machine to approve. The man hams it up for the camera, shoving Tina away when she tried to look over his shoulder. The new Tina took it well.

Ken and Tina pass the Divorcees and the Frat Boys, but are gracious enough to show the Frat Boys what they are doing wrong in the Detour. This, as well as the Divorcees turning down their offer of collaboration, saves the Frat Boys from elimination.

In Teary Eyes, teams must go to a spice market, walk two 40-pound bags of chilies 1/4 mile, then grind the chilies into powder with a mortar and pestle. Terence and Sarah are the only team to choose Teary Eyes, a brutal task after the paint party. More whining ensues.

Nick and Starr come in first once again, but they arrived saddled with bad karma after pretending to collaborate with Toni and Dallas, the nicest team ever, on the power line task.

The Amazing Race: India

Nick and Starr repeat their win in Leg Six of The Amazing Race. But a lot of hijinx ensues in between the two wins.

Six teams travel 2,000 miles from Cambodia to New Delhi, India. All teams are on the same flight, eliminating the time deficits for the late finishing teams of the last leg.

Dallas and Starr admit their attraction to each other in separate camera interviews. Dallas feels his mother and Starr's brother's presence hamper their chances to get to know each other.

The frat boys start the race nervously, knowing they are at a physical disadvantage to all the other remaining teams, mostly because they are so clumsy.

After arriving in New Delhi, teams must taxi to an auto yard called Moonlight Motors. Here, some distance develops between the teams based on drawing good or bad taxi drivers. Ken and Tina's cab driver has the hardest time finding the auto yard and Tina's bark cranks up.

At Moonlight Motors, the teams face a Roadblock in which one team member must tape off and paint the bottom half of a taxi green. The green shows that the taxi runs on natural gas. Andrew and Dan, in the lead for once, finish first but fall apart later at the next Detour.

Ken does the painting with Tina, barking at him every second. Sarah must also endure her partner's constant criticism. Because Sarah and Terence are newly dating and they are experiencing their first relationship difficulties on national television, they punctuate each sentence with "babe." The word sounds more and more like an insult than an endearment.

After the Roadblock, racers must taxi through downtown Delhi to the Ambassador Hotel and search the garden for an Indian doorman. Ken and Tina are the only ones who made their taxi wait, but remember how bad their driver was? What should have been a big advantage was a big hindrance. They dump their taxi at a gas station.

Launder Money or Launder Clothes

Tonight's Detour is Launder Money or Launder Clothes. The first option involves crashing a wedding, making sure the team has ten rupee notes that add up to exactly 780 and attaching the ten bills to a necklace. The teams must find a groom and hand him the necklace.

In Launder Clothes, teams must iron and fold twenty pieces of clothing with a traditional charcoal-heated iron. Four of six teams choose to Launder Clothes. Kelly and Christy don't seem to have experience handling an iron. But Andrew and Dan, the frat boys, have never ironed in their lives. Wrinkled piece after piece is rejected by the laundress. Then a gust of window blows over their pile of clothes. Andrew stomps around in frustration.

Terence and Sarah jump on the Launder Money task. They search the streets for someone to give them the correct change. When Sarah gets what she needs from a circle of boys, she shouts "I love you." One boy responds, "kiss?"

Nick and Starr arrive first at Baha'i House, the national headquarters for the Baha'i faith for the Pit Stop. Ken and Tina unbelievably have more taxi trouble and good editing makes it seem like there is a race between them and the frat boys for last.

I am happy for the frat boys when they come in fifth, second to last. Ken and Tina pull up to the mat last, but lucky for them, it is a non-elimination round. So we have some more barking to look forward to next week.

The Amazing Race: Cambodia

How many teams are left, seven? I'm starting to lose count. The remaining teams fly from Auckland to Siem Reap, Cambodia.

Ty and Aja, last to check-in last week, are the last to depart. Through no misstep of their own, they fly alone on the late flight. This turns out to be an insurmountable deficit.

Ty and Aja come tantalizingly close due to the bumbling of the Frat Boy team. The boys reek of desperation; the ASU guy stomps around and waves his arms and says "this would make my life" more than once. One of the frat boys thinks you have to have gone to private school to know where Cambodia is.

Once in Cambodia, teams choose from a row of blue trucks and must fill the truck's tank by hand-cranking 25 liters of diesel fuel. Only the frat boys have trouble cranking the gas. One says, "dude, you can't pump like a baby." They are mystified as each of the other teams easily crank the gas. I am mystified too because there seems to be no trick to it. Now I really hope Ty and Aja catch up.

Once the trucks are filled, teams ride in the open back to Siem Reap Harbor. As they race to the harbor, the teams stand in the back of the trucks and let out a lot of joyous ruckus and screaming. Starr hops off the truck unnecessarily to ask directions. Toni and Dallas pass them. But Nick and Starr return the favor by passing Toni and Dallas once they are in the motorboats in the harbor.

Siem Reap Harbor

Terence and Sarah's boat starts sputtering and smoking and dies. A few teams pass them as they row to their destination.

Then, the teams face a Detour: Village Life or Village Work, both tasks designed to show the difficulties of living in a village built over water. In both options, teams continue in their boats making three stops: at the dentist to pick up chattering teeth, at the tailor to pick up a doll, and at a floating basketball court where each team member has to shoot a basket.

The divorcees go to the basketball court, but realize they need to pick up their clue first, not just follow other teams. They deserve another reason to show some humility because they were unnecessarily cruel in calling Dallas and his mother, Teen Wolf and Wolf Mom.

Next, the teams ride little Tuk Tuk motorcycles to Angkor Wot, the largest religious structure in the world. Here the racers face a Roadblock. One team member must climb the steps of the castle and search for a specific area where they must thump their chest three times and hear the echo.

Tina is one of the first in the castle, but wanders around, unable to find the room. Ken sits on the grass outside and looks angry as other teams pass them up. Ken and Tina are getting too used to winning.

Even as they head to the pit stop, Bayon Temple, I still hope that Ty and Aja can catch up, But they are eliminated.

The Amazing Race: New Zealand

All eight teams get on the same flight to Auckland, New Zealand. So the race starts off as a close one.

But Ty and Aja get a flat tire driving to the first stop, Gulf Harbour. Ty mentions he has never dealt with a flat tire before. Wouldn't that be The Amazing Race basic training: drive stick shift, change flat tires, read maps and get in the best shape possible?

The fourth installment of The Amazing Race provides many quotable lines. One of the blondes says, "I wonder if they like blondes in New Zealand?" The smarter of the two replies, "I think they have blondes in New Zealand." But smarter is relative, as I notice the blondes stumble over the words in the clues as they read them aloud.

I'm still leary of the brother-and-sister team, Nick and Starr. Starr speaks of how they have formed an "adult relationship." Ewwww.

Ken and Tina untie their Gordian knot faster than they unraveled their marriage and opt for the Fast Forward. They must climb the Auckland Sky Tower, the highest point in the southern hemisphere. This feat earns them a helicopter ride to the Pit Stop and an easy win.

Maori Warriors

The rest of the teams face New Zealand Maori Warriors at the summit of Mt. Eden, a latent volcano. They must match the tattoo on a printed card to the warrior with the same tattoo. Not easy, with the Maoris stomping around and grunting. Dallas says the only thing he was thinking while Toni faced the warriors was, "please don't eat my mom." That would have made some good television as well as good eats.

Then the teams race to a downtown rooftop and look for Gnomes with binoculars. One racer is overheard saying "here, gnomie, gnomie." Good advertising for Travelocity. The more blatant the product placement, the less it bothers me.

Next, the teams choose jumping in a bin and stomping kiwis (the fruit, not the people) with their feet and squeezing 12 quarts of juice out, or assembling blowcarts and taking the carts for three laps around a track. Everyone goes for the kiwi option, but that task turns out to be surprisingly hard on the feet.

One of two teams to actually complete the juicing task, the divorcees comment on the exfoliating power of the hairy fruit. Another racer comments, "This looked so much more fun when Lucy and Ethel did it."

Viewers will have to wait 'til next week to see if Starr really broke her arm when crashing her blowcart or if she is just a whiner.

A sheep farm called Summerhill is the next Pit Stop and Phil's Dad is on the mat to greet the finishing racers. He gives special hugs to console the blondes who come in last and are finally eliminated.

The Amazing Race: Bolivia

The teams are breathless in La Paz, Bolivia, (elev. 13,000 feet) as they trudge up hilly streets. They all could use a little of the Marching Powder, if you know what I mean. Mark requires oxygen toward the end of the leg.

Though the racers are physically slowing down, the rivalries are heating up. One of the divorcees accuse Starr of throwing her sports bra over a ledge during the previous Pit Stop. Throwing her sports bra? Nick and Starr are incredulous.

Perhaps it's the accusation motivating Nick and Starr to try to persuade Ty and Aja to U-Turn the divorcees. Why do the dirty work yourselves? Aja quietly rats them out, adding flame to the feud. The feud will continue at least one more episode as the divorcees are spared elimination, thanks to Mark & Bill's half-hour penalty.

The geek team took a taxi to the Detour instead of going on foot as the clue mandated. Did the producers want everyone huffing and puffing as much as possible in the high altitude? As my early favorites, I'll miss Mark & Bill.

Saved by an Easy March

Marisa and Brooke turn in a decent performance, after coming in second-to-last in each of the first two legs. The "southern belles" start off badly, unable to find the clue printed in the morning newspaper classified. At the Detour, they wisely pick the Musical March option, in which they must find a team of band members in the park and lead them to the bandleader.

I am surprised that all but two teams pass on this easier option and pick the Bumpy Ride instead. In the Bumpy Ride, the teams wear feathered helmets and feathered gloves, riding rickety wooden "bikes," with squarish wheels over bumpy, trafficked roads. Several racers fall; no one is injured badly.

The Roadblock is the best one in a while. Called "Fighting Cholitas," one team member has to learn six wrestling moves and use them against a Bolivian woman in a full-length wide skirt. After a quick practice, the racer wrestles the woman in a boxing ring before a crowd of cheering men. The contestants wear strange superhero costumes. Ken, aka "Mr. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup" performs all the moves with ease. He and his prickly wife win the leg again.

The Amazing Race: Brazil

Ten teams travel from Salvador, Brazil to Fortaleza, Brazil.

Tina and Terence are easily the least likable of the twenty players. They are also both insane. I feel sorry for their respective partners, Ken and Sarah.

Terence begins the leg by getting hit in the head with the car trunk door. He insists to Sarah that he's bleeding. He makes her blow on his forehead and put a band-aid on his boo-boo. He is cranky for most of the leg.

Terence experiences a minor transformation when the mother-son team point them to the taxi stand that he and Sarah missed. Sarah is vindicated: it is okay to talk to other teams.

Tina credits herself when the airline to switches the flight to a bigger plane, allowing room for all ten teams. Tina lets everyone know that they owe her. The other teams are incredulous and pissed off. But all teams get on the same flight.

After arriving in Fortaleza, the teams ride yellow dune buggies on the beach to the Detour: Beach it or Dock it. Everyone hoots and hollers and all have fun for once.

I am rooting for the geeks, Mark and Bill. They are good-natured; they get along, and seem to carry no emotional baggage. They are the only team who choose to Dock it. They end up in the lead, thanks to their attention to detail.

Read the Clue, Sherlock

The divorcees freak out, thinking they need to find some "container" after the Beach It task. But they were mixing in instructions from the Dock It option. They waste a lot of time, digging in the wet sand. When they figure out their mistake, they are still in the middle of the pack. Despite reciting their lesson: "read the clue," they don't read the next clue and don't have their taxi wait while they perform the detour.

Mark and Bill end up in a footrace with Ken and Tina for first place. Mark and Bill don't stand a chance and end up arriving second. But all four are happy and gracious, even Tina.

Though the divorcees make the most egregious mistakes, they come in 7th. It is Anthony and the marriage-hungry Stephanie who come in last and get eliminated. In post-elimination reflection, Anthony rattles off all the things he is thankful for. He lists his looks third, and finally, Stephanie, fourth. I don't hear wedding bells for them.

The Amazing Race 13 Debut

The makeup of the eleven teams vying for the million dollar prize on this season's The Amazing Race offered few surprises. Notable exception: the long-maned, white-haired, hippie beekeepers.

Filling some of the predictable roles are the bickering couple (Ken and Tina), the Blondes (Marisa and Brooke), the newly-dating couple (Terence and Sarah), and the long-distance dating couple (Aja and Ty).

Ken and Tina, the bickering couple, are married but separated due to Ken's infidelity. I shifted my sympathies to Ken as Tina blamed him for everything and gave him credit for nothing on this race's first leg where teams should be the least tense.

This season's blondes don't have the energy or personality of previous blonde teams. The geeks (Mark and Bill) are going to be stronger competitors than you think. The frat boys (Andrew and Dan) are less fratty than you expect.

Terence and Sarah promise the most unpredictability of the racing teams. They seemed nice and normal in the intro; their opposite personality types acknowledged. But they have something major in common--they are both pyscho, but in opposite ways. Sarah tries to make friends with everyone, (sounds normal, right?) but then is instantly angry when one of the racers doesn't acknowledge a comment she made. The comment didn't appear to be aimed at anyone. Terence, who wears a faux-hawk and was id'd as a free spirit is wound tighter than a bedspring.

The beekeepers were the first to be eliminated, before I got a chance to see their faces. Their sweet farewell made me sorry to see them go so soon.

Oh, did I mention the racers went to Brazil?

The Amazing Kynt & Vyxsin

G.and I were rooting so hard for Kynt and Vyxsin to remain in The Amazing Race 12. Rather, we wanted to see Nate and Jen get what they deserve--elimination.

G. said with K & V gone, he has no reason to watch anymore. But by next Sunday, I will bring him around. K & V had to face a "speed bump," a newly invented penalty for coming in last in the previous episode.

Despite the additional task, they still caught up with Nate and Jen who might just bicker their way all the way to the bank.

Kynt, why, why, why didn't you U-turn Nate and Jen? Why would you have thought any other team was behind you? Were you too calm and confident from the speed yoga?

Clever editing may have made it appear closer than it was, but it seemed so close! For a blow-by-blow account of last night's race, read the EW recap.

The Amazing Race 12

A pair of donkeys was the undoing of the two most dysfunctional teams in the debut of The Amazing Race 12. A donkey doesn't tolerate bitchy even when its the "aren't-I-cute" bitchy often adopted by a segment of the gay population.

The 12th season of The Amazing Race launched Sunday night with eleven new naive pairs of racers. As a seasoned viewer, I laugh at the teams who are frustrated finding LAX from the Playboy Mansion in Hollywood. This is their easiest task and they're crying mad now?!

Flashback to the pre-race interviews in which teams declare how they will play the race. I'm going to be a bitch, says Ari. We're going to flirt and no one is going to be able to resist us, says this season's team of blondes, Shana and Jennifer. Uh-oh, here comes Jennifer and Nathan, the couple that is using the race to work out their issues.

In Ireland, it was no coincidence that the Ari/Staella and Jennifer/Nathan teams got the donkeys that wouldn't move. The teams' screaming and pouting just made the donkeys dig their heels in the mud and allow the sweet talking teams to overtake them.

As I hoped, Ari and Staella finished the race leg last and were eliminated.

The Amazing Race Finale

G. said he would never watch The Amazing Race again if Charla and Mirna won. His vow won't be put to the test since Eric and Danielle hit the mat first and pocketed the million bucks.

I was rooting for the Blondes because they had fun the whole way. The old saying is true! Maybe that's why everyone was jealous of them. Okay, they had the tiniest of meltdowns in the finale.

But Eric and Danielle persevered despite some bad luck: missing flight connections (which knocked out my original favs, Uchenna and Joyce) and being yielded twice. Though despite what the racers think, using a yield is not playing dirty, nor is it cheating; it is strategic.

Where are Charla and Mirna now, after Mirna's repeated pleas for favors citing "a matter of life or death"? If she survived losing the million, I hope she is not berating Charla for the loss.

The Amazing Race

Down to the final three teams on The Amazing Race. Who will win the million dollar prize? Will it be Eric and Danielle, Dustin and Candace, or Charla and Mirna?

The teams face the same challenges, but react completely differently. Some teams bicker and blame and crack under the strain (Eric and Danielle). Others have fun (Dustin and Candace). Some are unable to hide their foibles (Charla and Mirna).

Sometimes the awful people stay in the race (Charla and Mirna). Mirna is condescending when she tries to be nice. Will they see themselves on the air and cringe? Probably not.

Its easy to criticize from the sofa. Imagine the jetlag they feel through the entire race, traveling 5000 miles or more at a crack just to do it again the next day. I like that they have just one goal: to perform the Roadblock, the Detour or make their way to the Pit Stop. That's the best part of traveling: no multi-tasking.